That's my favorite picture of us. I think it was taken around her birthday last year, but I don't have a very good memory, so I wouldn't rely on what I say if I was you. I just remember handing the camera to some guy on the pier and asking him to take the picture. When he did, she got a little mad. She said the wind was blowing her hair in her face, but she ended up having triples made so she could carry a copy in her wallet.
When I first got the apartment, and brought her to it, she didn't even say anything. I already knew she hated. Then she told me it looked like Justin's apartment in the Gone video. It too gloomy she said. Oww...sorry...
So she asked if she could "redecorate". I said yes, thankfully. She made me go stay with Justin and his Mom for two weeks, and wouldn't let me in when I tried to come over. When she finshed, she called and I came right over. To my suprise, the apartment looked amazing. She had painted the walls, put some new sheets on the bed, got a few new peices of furniture, and put up all these pictures. It must have made her feel more at home, because she moved in the next week. Oww...hang on...
I'm ok....give me a minute....
I'm trying my best not to think of her though. It just seems to make the pain worse. I guess sitting on what used to be OUR bed isn't exactly the best place to escape her. This room is nothing but memories of her. Here, I'll show you...
Umm. Over there, by the window. See that chair? Whenever I woke up, she was always already awake sitting in that chair, and drinking her coffee. I remember the first day she stayed over, I saw her sitting there and said, "Baby, what are you doin?" She said, "Waking up the sun." Everyday after that she said the same thing. Eventually I started to get up whenever she did. She tried to help me master "waking up the sun", but most of the time I fell asleep with my coffee in my hands.
A these floors? She said once, she could kick my ass faster than I could blink. Being the macho man I am, I told her to prove it. And she did at that. She tackled me on these floors and fought me. We wrestled for a few minutes, but I gave up when she had me pinned. I told her I let her win, but if the truth be told, she DID kick my ass.
Yeah I know. Your looking at all those scuff marks on the floors. I can dance, when it comes to choreography, but when it comes to just freestyle? I can't dance my way out of a shoebox. So she tried her best to teach me, but all we did was scuff the floors and give her some excercise. She says I have square hips. Oww....hang on....God this hurts....
I try to keep tellin myself that no matter how much I think about her I can't bring her back. I know it seems pretty sad. A twenty nine year old man crying over a break-up, but if only you had known her, you wouldn't think that way at all. She was everything to me. Every breath I took, every word I said, every move I made...oww...was for her.
I don't know what I did. About two days ago, she just walked in the apartment. Coming home from work, like she always did. And I was waiting for her in the bedroom, like I always do whenever I'm home. She came into the bedroom and sat down beside me. She was quiet for a few seconds before she said, "Chris, I need some time. I'm going away for a while. I'll call you, ok?" I wasn't exactly sure what she meant at first, so I sat and watched her pack. The entire apartment was silent, even after she left. When she did, I knew she wasn't coming back.
Oh god, you have no idea how much this hurts right now. It's literally a pain in my chest. Then again, I'm not sure if it's my heart, I loved her so much, or my stomach. I mean I did take a lot of those pills... But she was everything to me. I haven't left this apartment since she did. This worst part about all this is knowing she's not coming back...
The pain seems to get worse by the second. It's funny though, someone's knocking on the door. I don't really want anyone to see me like this. They might think I'm not home. Aw who am I kidding. It's me and I'm always at home...I'll answer the damn door. The further I sit up the dizzier I get. I'm kind of afraid to stand, but I can't get to the door unless I do. Here goes...
*Slam*......oww......Don't tell whoever's at the door I fell alright? God, the pain might kill me before I get there. Wait a second...I hear something. It sounds like a key in the door, but the only person with a key to the apartment is her...
It is her. I can see her opening the door from here. I can't believe she came back! Maybe she just came back for her stuff. God why did I do this? Can't I take it all back?
"Chris?!" she's yelling while she runs to the room. I can't see much from the floor though. She standing.....kneeling over me now. Geez, she's more beautiful than ever...
"Are you ok? Are you hurt?" she's crying. God I've made her cry. Now I'm crying. I'm afraid to tell her the truth. She hurt me, but this will be a different pain I bring to her...
"I dying," is all I can find myself saying. To see the fear in her eyes is painfull. "I'm calling an amublance!" she's saying. It's taken all my strength, but I've reached out and grabbed her hand.
"Don't leave me," I say. "Please?" I can see her scrambling into her purse, but I reach out with my other hand and touch her face, one more time. "I love you..."
"Don't you say that to me! You're not going anywhere! I love you too!" she's yelling while she digs through her purse, more frantically than before. She's pulling out her cell phone, but I can't see anything else. All I see is black.
